In the light of day, I am a teacher by trade. Though I never thought I would feel unfulfilled in my professional choice, especially when I worked tirelessly, starry-eyed in my training courses years ago. Yet, here I am. I guess you could say the honeymoon is over. I stay in my position as a Language Arts teacher because I am not sure if I am really unhappy in the job, or is it life? A midlife crisis of sorts. To be sure, you wont find me running right out to buy a new convertible mustang in order to whip down the roads of life per say. (Though there are days when that sounds very appealing.) I am however, to pin point the problem, disenchanted with the bureaucracy of education.
I am in my sixth year of teaching. I have taught in the same district for the last 5 years. A district in trouble with the state because their students aren’t performing up to par with the rest of the world. This is our year for reform. As I think about my career, I realize I have been losing my love of teaching a little more each year. The ever-present burn out always in my mind. The lack of regard from students, parents, and the world about what I do doesn’t help either. I think the best way to describe the reason education doesn’t hold my heart as deeply as it once did, is that there are too many hands in the cookie jar. Everyone thinks they know what is best for education reform. I do mean everyone. Parents, Principals, our government officials from state to nation. When in fact there is only one who really knows, but she no longer is held in esteem. She cannot be trusted to actually know what her students need and what to teach. She is of course, the teacher.
My unhappiness hit like the angry waves of a stormy sea this year as I am trying to conform to what the government, my district and my boss, the princiPAL, (sarcasm intended) want me to teach. Problem is, it’s not just WHAT they want me to teach anymore, now it is HOW they want me to teach. And if I don’t produce little robot students whose scores are higher than they have been in years past, then the treat. It will be on record and follow me from job to job, it will dictate my pay. Of which I haven’t had a raise in 5 years, to which I pay out $500-1000 a year to my classroom supplies and needs.
It’s sad. A teaching job for me has been my calling since I was 12 years old. I knew it would help me feel rewarded internally. I could give back to the world, love students and help them learn. I could use my creativity in positive ways. Teaching on an Indian reservation, I see that the need for my talents and gifts are more present than I could have ever imagined. The problems most of the children deal with are largely adult issues. Alcoholism, hunger, suicide, abuse of various sorts. These kids know more about living in a hard world than any child should. And yet, I am instructed to force feed them the standards provided to me. I am required to make them learn and answer the questions on the test with 90% accuracy. I am told that I must do these things in the way set out for me by the district, state, and nation or my job will be on the line.
Well, forgive me if I don’t agree. It’s wrong. It’s all wrong. It’s all broken. And there is no amount of cookie grabbing, forcing new ideas, or national reformation that will fix it. The truth is that it begins and ends everyday with me. The teacher. I see the child. I do my best to care for the whole child. I strive to show the child that people care. I struggle to teach them about hope. I work my ass off to help them realize there is someone in their corner who believes in them. That’s what a teacher does WASHINGTON Department of Education. That’s what my real job is. So, you reform away. Me, I will be closing my door on Monday and teaching my students about caring, giving, living and if I am lucky, I can also break down their walls enough to teach them about reading, writing and government testing.
Honestly, Teachers got this. Let us do our jobs in the best way, as trained professional, we know how to do. Too many hands in the cookie jar is ruining the profession and the environment of school entirely. We already have to tell ourselves daily that it will get better. I predict, there will be a serious lack of teachers in the future if this keeps up.
Teachers if you are reading this, my step-daughter once told me, “Teachers have no idea how much power they have.” She is right. We need to unite. We need to stand up for our own rights as professionals. We do know what is best. And if we don’t we have the power of initiative to find out what it might be. We are always learning and growing. We never stop. Why are we taking this as if we have no say? I don’t want to leave it to the unions. They don’t speak for me. I do. And so do you. Speak up. Stand up. Stand out.
writestarrynight 